Confessions of a Shop-o-holic

We all know how it goes. Girl with modest income buys things she shouldn't and doesn't stop until she has some sort of wake-up call. I wish I could at least say I had a closest full of Off the Runway, Spring 2012 Chanel and Alexander McQueen to show for myself. But sadly, I do not.  When I look in my closet I see poorly constructed, unworn, falling apart, outdated attire that shouldn't be worn anywhere but to bed. As I flip through each item in my (semi) daily quest to put on something presentable, I usually end up walking out the door in one of the three-or-so outfits I've deemed worthy of a public appearance. And my closet is stuffed full!

We all have our spending weaknesses. Whether it's gadgets, electronics, shoes, dining out---most people can say they have something that monopolizes their spending. My indulgence has always been 'bargains'. Not quite hoarder-worthy, but excessive none-the-less. And it has gotten worse since becoming a mom because I'm always trying to stretch the dollar further. I have an extremely hard time walking into a store and not checking out "the sale rack". And I usually find a cart full of things to bring home. Items I have convinced myself would be foolish not to buy. "What a steal, I can't pass that up; it's like 50% off...and it's designer!" And so I put things away for a rainy day, convincing myself I will find a use for it someday. Or, in the case of my closet, find myself with what feels like a million inadequate black dresses. I've always justified this spending by convincing myself to think that I'm actually saving money. But is it really saving when it's something I didn't need to begin with? And wouldn't I be better off with less clothes, but more quality ones that will last longer and stay in style beyond one season?

The funny thing to me now, as I stop to think about my spending patterns, is that I cannot stand clutter! So why do I insist upon bringing it home? I think in this society it's almost impossible not to shop. Spending money has become far too easy. With just the swipe of a card, the click of a button, a quick 5-minute trip to the nearest mall and we can have, in our possession, whatever it is we want. Commercials entice us with the latest product that we must have.  And let's be honest; buying things makes us feel happy. It feels good to have something shiny and new. It's nice to treat ourselves once in awhile. "I work hard; I deserve it!" Even my 2-year old understands the appeal of a novel item. I bet, however, if you stop to think about your purchases over the last few weeks you would find that apart from groceries, most of them are frivolous and fleeting things you did not need nor remember buying. That latte. That pair of boots. It all adds up! At the end of the month as I sit and review my bank account, I am left feeling unhappy at the state of financial affairs. So why do I continuously dwindle it away for a 'temporary fix' when I could be putting it to better use? Say my child's college fund.

This year I've decided to really take a step back and think about this buying compulsion and try to get to the bottom of why spending makes me happy.  A personal challenge prompted by this photo which circulated around Christmas:

In order to accomplish this goal I have put myself on monetary lockdown for one year. A clothing spending freeze that is sure to test my willpower and make me feel like I'm in solitary shopping confinement, but hopefully teach me a few valuable lessons about 'necessity'.  Though it's only February I'm happy to report that so far, I've been sticking to the rules.  I even managed to get through the mall without anything but an ice cream cone for my daughter. That was a tough one--I think they pump chemical buying smells into the clothes the same way the fast-food industry adds 'flavor enhancers' to their burgers.  Amazon, my sweet poison, has been strictly limited to gifts and adding things to my "wish list" just for fun. As with any addiction, quitting comes with its withdrawals.  The hardest part is turning off the "want" button in my brain. I can at any time, come up with a list of 10 things I'd love to have and usually convince myself I need. Not going out and getting them (or adding them to my cart) takes will-power. But I'm hoping that over time it will become second-nature for me to really consider each purchase. Do I need it? Do I love it? And most importantly, can I live without it? I think I'll find, more often than not, that the answer is YES!